Not since I swallowed four ghosts and a peach off one power pellet has a Pacman brought me so much joy. According to tnawrestling.com, Tennessee Titans Cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones has signed a contract with Total Nonstop Action Wrestling and will make his debut this Thursday. As we all know, Pacman was suspended from the NFL and forbidden from taking part in Titans training camp due to conduct violations. So what do you do when your athletic career is going down the tubes? Why, you sign up for a fake athletic career of course!
Neither Pacman (nor Ms. Pacman for that matter) have said whether he'll actually take part in any fisticuffs. But according to a Nashville newspaper, Jones recently installed a wrestling ring at his home. What we do know for sure is that NFL contracts prohibit non-football activities that could cause injury. Jones wouldn't be the first professional athlete to make his TNA debut. Chicago Bears Linebacker Brian Urlacher along with New York Yankees Outfielder Johnny Damon have both appeared on the wrestling program.
The last time Jones had his hands full with T. 'n' A. (and we're not talking the wrestling kind,) it ended with a fight outside a Las Vegas strip club. Let's hope Pacman doesn't gobble up more than he can chew this time around, otherwise it's "game over" with the Titans. Be sure to catch the cornerback's debut on Spike TV this Thursday at 9pm.
Athletes Love Their T 'N A
Saints v Steelers Hall of Fame Game: The Chicks Break it Down
Highlight: Michael Irvin's touching Hall of Fame acceptance speech that made all of us say "What motel room with strippers and coke?"
Lowlight: Deion Sanders' suit
Highlight: No Saints starters did anything to get hurt
Lowlight: No Saints starters did anything (primarily because they were kept off the field to keep them from getting hurt.)
Highlight: Saints run defense held its own in the first few series
Lowlight: Saints pass defense looked like they'd barely survive a game at Tad Gormley, much less one in the NFL
Highlight: Okay night for Saints backup QB Jason Fife
Lowlight: Fabulous night for Steelers backup QB Charlie Batch
Lowlight: Final score Steelers 20 Saints 7
Highlight: It's only the first preseason game. Settle down, fairweathers!
Hot in Herrre!!!
While Saints fans are feeling all warm and fuzzy for Coach Sean Payton, a handful of other NFL coaches find themselves in the hot seat, before the season even starts. From unsigned draft picks to unrealistic fan expectations, the coaches listed below are learning the hard way it ain’t always easy to be the guy in charge.
Romeo Crennel – Cleveland Browns
Romeo, O Romeo! Wherefore art thou draft pick Romeo? Cleveland Browns Coach Romeo Crennel is trying to live up to the high hopes of the Dawg Pound following his successful years in New England as the defensive coordinator. The real question is, “What up with Brady Quinn?” The #22 pick is reportedly in Arizona, blowing his chance to be the starting QB with his foolish holdout from Browns’ camp. Crennel doesn’t need this drama in his critical third year. And Quinn doesn’t need this delay in learning the Cleveland system and establishing a rhythm with the offense. Somebody in The Brady Bunch needs to give Quinn a sound kick in the keister and tell him to shelve his dreams of being paid like he got drafted in the Top 10. Then he needs to pack his hair products and hightail it to camp. If the Browns have to go with Charlie Frye as their starting QB again this season, Crennel will almost certainly be looking for a new gig come January.
Tom Coughlin – New York Giants
Tom Coughlin has made the theme of Giants camp “Shut Up and Play”. He’s asked that the players talk to him about team problems and not rush to share internal issues with the media like they did last season. You can bet the fiery and ferocious New York press will only take this as a challenge and do even more to draw out controversial comments from Giants’ players.
This season’s mantra for Coughlin needs to be “Step Up and Coach”. He needs to focus on fundamentals, consistency and game planning. He needs to work with the players to cut down on penalties at key junctures in games. He needs to start leading and stop whining. If Coughlin can really take control of what’s happening on the field, then all griping and grousing by the players off the field should cease.
Jon Gruden – Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Jon Gruden’s no longer the fresh-faced offensive prodigy he once was. He’s looking a little worn and wrinkled in his attempt to regain the glory of winning Super Bowl XXXVII in his first year with the Bucs. He’s only had one winning season since that Super Bowl run. Many believe Gruden was the beneficiary of the groundwork laid by his predecessor, Tony Dungy, and doesn’t have the coaching skill to get it done again himself.
Things are already off to a shaky start at camp with both of the competitors for the starting QB position, Jeff Garcia and Chris Simms, dealing with early injuries. Garcia needs to be healthy and fully integrated into the offense so the team gets off to a strong start. Chuckie won’t be around for the full season if the Bucs get off to another woeful start like last year when they lost 7 of their first 9 games.
John Fox – Carolina Panthers
Panthers fans may be hungry for some Fox if their team doesn’t get back into the playoffs this year. Under the leadership of Coach John Fox, the Panthers have gone 7-9, 11-5, 7-9, 11-5, and 8-8 over the last 5 seasons. Following the team’s Super Bowl appearance, the Panthers were expected to emerge as the class of the NFC. But the team failed to rise to those lofty expectations due to their uneven play and those surprising upstarts, the New Orleans Saints. Fox needs to have a winning season this year and next to keep his job. So even if the Panthers manage to be this year’s surprise team in the NFC South (a big IF with the Saints looking even tougher in 2007), Fox will remain on the hot seat during the 2008 campaign in his effort to prove that he can achieve back to back winning seasons.
Jack Del Rio – Jacksonville Jaguars
If only it was enough to look suave in a suit on the sidelines, Handsome Jack. You’ve got to not just look sharp but your team has to play sharp. And that was not the case in 2006 when the Jaguars, coming off a 12-4 season, faltered in spite of having a lot of highly touted players in their lineup. Del Rio is another coach with quarterback issues. Questions continue to swirl about the staying power of Byron Leftwich through 16 games. Leftwich is in the last year of his contract so he needs to prove that he can last through a full rough and tumble season if he wants to be in a strong negotiating position in 2008. If Leftwich manages that, he and his head coach may both be in Jacksonville for quite a while.
Another worry for all these coaches involves a man with one of the meanest mugs in football, former Steelers coach Bill Cowher. Analysts suspect he’ll be a very attractive replacement option for struggling coaches since he sports the hottest of all NFL accessories, a Super Bowl ring.
Sizing Up the Competition
The Saints and the Steelers go head to head this Sunday in the 2007 Hall of Fame Game in Canton, OH. While the coaches of each team are sizing up their players to see who deserves a spot on the roster, we're sizing up our competition and their fans in a character comparison you won't find on any stat sheet.
We now present to you:
Saints vs Steelers-The Black and Gold Bowl
QB CELEBRITY LOOKALIKES:
Big Ben=Chubby Actor Seth Rogen
"Cool Brees"= Hottie Actor Ryan Reynolds
PAST DEFENSIVE NICKNAME
STEELERS: The Steel Curtain
SAINTS: Dome Patrol
FANS' SIGNATURE MOVE
STEELERS: The waving of "Terrible Towels"
SAINTS: The waving of towels, napkins, handkerchiefs, and sometimes the shirts off their backs in a glorious 2nd line tradition around the Superdome, win or lose!
FIGHT SONG
STEELERS: "Here we go Steelers, Here we go!" (Could they be lamer?)
SAINTS: "Who dat? Who dat? Who dat say dey gonna beat dem Saints" (Sheer poetry)
STEELERS SUPER BOWLS: 5
SAINTS SUPER BOWLS (of gumbo served during games): How do you make the infinity symbol?
COLORS
SAINTS: Black and Gold
STEELERS: Black and YELLOW, not Gold...that color on your uniform is yellow...YELLOW!!! Thus, making the Steelers ineligible for the Black and Gold Bowl!
Well, there you have it. We don't even need the teams to take the field to know which is clearly superior. Our prediction: SAINTS 34 STEELERS 3
The Huddle Hottie Watch: 15-11
Our countdown continues of the hottest NFL players born in the past 25 years.
#15 Marques Colston, WR New Orleans Saints
Born: 06/05/1983 (Okay, so the ears are kinda big and the neck is kinda thick. Still, we felt he deserved some Black and Gold bonus points!)
#14 Hank Baskett, WR Philadelphia Eagles
Born: 09/04/1982 (All we saw was sweat and bulging muscles. His face, quite frankly, was a non issue!)
#13 DeMario Minter, CB Cleveland Browns
Born: 02/20/1984
#12 Brodie Croyle, QB Kansas City Chiefs
Born: 02/06/1983
#11 Ruvell Martin, WR Green Bay Packers
Born: 08/10/1982
Next Week: The Top 10! (Also known as some guarunteed shirtless action!)
And now back to your regularly scheduled football headlines....
Survivor, Saints Style
Cue the dramatic music, the bitter voiceover, and the slow motion walk away from the camera; The Saints have voted their first contestant off the Island of Millsaps.
Victim #1, defensive end Jon Hamm. Hamm suffers from a strained quad muscle, which rendered him unable to practice with the rest of the team. Not even an immunity challenge could save him from his early departure. The tribal council has spoken, and this Hamm is fried!
In the tradition of "You're Fired" and "You are the weakest link!", the Chicks suggest Coach Payton and the rest of the Saints coaching staff come up with some clever catch phrase before casting anyone else off the team.
Try these on for size: "Your Gumbo is Cooked," "Your Snoball has Melted" and our personal favorite "Make Like Benson and Boogie!" (Perhaps we've been drinking too much.) At any rate, feel free to suggest your own!
Letters from Camp
"Dear Mom and Dad,
Staying out of trouble at Camp Titan here in Tennessee is a lot harder than I thought it'd be. Today I got into a big fight when someone tried to bully one of my new friends. We were all playing football when this big guy tossed one of my teammates to the ground. I got really, really mad and hit him with my right hand, also known as the one thing that keeps us living in our cozy mansion and driving fancy cars.
My camp counselor, Mr. Fisher, says he's glad I stick up for the little guys. But he says if I hurt my hand punching fellow campers, we'll both wind up spending next summer in Colorado at Camp Crush. It's owned by some guy named John Elway.
So mom and pop, I think I've learned my lesson. Throw with the left then let the guys bigger than me finish the job. By the way, I'm running low on cash and porn. Hope a care package is headed my way.
Love always,
Li'l Vince "
