In week one of regular season football, you would hope random pop culture references wouldn't have to be invoked when recapping the NFL's heroes and zeroes. But oops! That darn Britney did it again!
But before we implore Britney to "gimme less"...let's look back on the weekend that gave us more!
What Stood Out:
Ragin Cajun Jake Delhomme actually protecting the football. He lead the Carolina Panthers to victory over the Rams by completing 18/27 for 201 yards and 3 touchdowns.
Romo went from zero back to hero in the Cowboys win over the Giants with 345 yards and 4 touchdowns.
The 49ers and the Cardinals had a lot to prove on Monday Night. If we were President Bush, we'd have unveiled the "Mission Accomplished" banners before halftime.
The Texans won a game.
The "No-$hit" Observations:
Yes Randy Moss, you do still have it.
Yes Atlanta, your season was over before it started.
Yes Ravens and Bears, you will need an offense to win games.
No Chad Johnson, that wasn't your most clever touchdown celebration.
No Patriots, you can not spy on other teams.
No Jets Fans, it is not polite to cheer when your QB gets hurt.
No Eagles, "special teams" doesn't mean you should recruit punt returners from the short bus.
Yes Fantasy Football Players, it does completely suck when your no-brainer draft picks rack in about as much yardage as an unsigned Jamarcus Russell.
The "Wish We Enjoyed Shopping More Than We Do Football Because Sometimes This Game Breaks Our Hearts" Moments:
Kevin Everett suffered a life-threatening spinal-cord injury during a helmet to helmet hit in the Bills vs Broncos game. After undergoing emergency surgery, doctors now say there's a good chance he will walk again.
Saints season opener. No need to recap.
Below are the power rankings according to espn.com.
#1. Patriots
#2. Colts
#3. Chargers
#4. Bears
#5. Cowboys
#6. Bengals
#7. Ravens
#8. Seahawks
#9. Steelers
#10. Broncos
#11. Saints (Not even top 10 caliber, huh? Harsh...)
So to answer our own question, which was uglier...Atlanta's offense (and defense for that matter), those mean old Jets Fans, or Britney's horrific comeback attempt on the VMAs? We'll let the bedazzled bikini speak for itself...
Which Is Uglier: Atlanta's Uh-"O", Jeering Jets Fans, or Britney's Comeback?
NFL Sunday Week 1: Games We Give a Crap About
5.Falcons vs Vikings: Let's face it, the Falcons have about as much of a shot at a winning record as Britney Spears does making a successful comeback. Still, we'd like to see how Joey handles the pressure in his first real game at QB. Plus, we need every division rival to lose to keep things evened up right out of the gate.
Wish: Vikings win.
Prediction: Vikings by a field goal.
4. Bucs v Seahawks: Primarily for the same reasons listed above, but this is also our next opponent. Time to size up the competition and see if Gaycia Garcia will truly be the answer to the Bucs Quarterback woes.
Wish: A breaking news alert at halftime reveals Jeff Garcia is being investigated for "misconduct" in a bathroom stall at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.
Prediction: Seahawks by a TD.
3. Eagles vs Packers: These are two NFC teams predicted to show signs of improvement thanks to some offseason moves. Let's see if they live up to the hype.
Wish: Andy Reid quits, Donovan chokes, and Eagles fans consider pulling an Owen Wilson.
Prediction: Eagles by 13
2. Giants vs Dallas: Gotta love a good division rivalry.
Wish: Um, is there anyway both of these a-holes can lose?
Prediction: UPSET! Giants by 4
1.Bears vs Chargers: The team that never should have made it to last year's Super Bowl takes on the team that was supposed to but didn't.
Wish: Rex Grossman sucks so badly, his team somehow ends up with negative points.
Prediction: Da Bears are who we thought they were. Chargers by 14+
