You've heard the rumors, you've harassed every Falcons fan in your Rolodex, now click here to read the indictment of Michael Vick in black and white.
Don't feel like it? Let the chicks sum it up:
-First of all, Vick is referred to in the indictment as "Ookie." That's right, Ookie.
-"Ookie", "Q", "P Funk" and "T" are accused of buying the dogs, setting up the kennel, hosting the fights, & sponsoring dogs used in the fights
-Poorly performing dogs were allegedly executed in a way that would make the writers of those "Saw" movies squeamish.
-Female dogs were allegedly subjected to a "rape stand." (We won't describe what that is but we suggest you grab a barf bag before looking it up.)
-The feds site 4 cooperating witnesses as the sources of much of their information.
So what does it all mean? Nothing some say. "He's innocent until proven guilty." Sure he is...
Regardless of Vick's guilt or innocence, the court of public opinion has already tried him and sent the jury home. Sports talk stations got lit up with calls from people urging the NFL to suspended Vick for the entire season. The Humane Society wants endorsers like Nike to kick Vick to the curb. And the PETA peeps are rethinking their position on fur and considering a new coat line made out of 100% Ookie.
Down in the "dirty dirty," some Falcons fans are already erecting statues in backup QB Joey Harrington's honor or pleading for the team to sign Dante Culpepper...quick. Other fans and loyal Vick supporters say nothing should happen unless there's an actual "conVICKtion."
To state the obvious, millions of dollars and the fate of an entire franchise are at stake. Which means no decisions should be made one way or another without reviewing all the facts. But if what's good for the Pacman is good for the Ookie, Vick will no doubt be suspended. (You'll recall the league suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones for the entire 2007 season because of repeated arrests and suspected criminal activity.)
As for what's next, Vick's first court appearance is set for July 26, just in time for the start of Falcons training camp. Legal experts suspect the QB and his lawyers may try to work out a plea agreement to avoid a lengthy courtroom ordeal. And Falcons owner Arthur Blank could announce before week's end how he plans to handle the situation.
Meanwhile, we Chicks wonder how many personalized jerseys with "Ookie" on the back will slip through the cracks before the league catches on.
"Ookie" Indicted: Day 2
Dirty Bird Learns His Goose Could be Cooked
Oh Ron Mexico. Remember the simpler times when being accused of spreading herpes was the biggest threat to your reputation? Now it turns out Michael Vick will need more than Valtrex to bail him out of a pinch. Just when we thought the feds were barking up the wrong tree, an indictment handed down Tuesday accuses the Falcons QB and three others of running a dog fighting ring out of Vick's Virgina property. Vick is charged with "dogfighting, procuring and training pit bulls for fighting and conducting the enterprise across state lines." Now that's a dog-gone shame!
The indictment also states that the operation ran under the title of "Bad Newz Kennels." Vick is still swallowing the "bad newz" that he could face up to six years in prison, and $350,000 in fines and restitution. Investigators say the dogs were housed, trained and fought at a Surry County, Virginia property owned by Vick.
According to the indictment, it all started in 2001. Dogs on the property allegedly fought to the death and those who lost were either electrocuted, drowned, hanged, or shot.
Vick is now not only in the dog house with investigators, but with the NFL. NFL spokesman Brian McCarthy is quoted as saying
"We are disappointed that Michael Vick has put himself in a position where a federal grand jury has returned an indictment against him...The activities alleged are cruel, degrading and illegal. Michael Vick's guilt has not yet been proven, and we believe that all concerned should allow the legal process to determine the facts."
The details of the indictment are far too gruesome for these Chicks to stomach, much less repeat. But, for all you sick puppies out there who want more details, click here to get the full story from the AP.
As much as one (as in I) may loathe the Falcons, no one can deny the excitement Michael Vick brings to the game. For the sake of all those kids who look up to him, let's hope these allegations are false. Needless to say, the man we all know as #7 could be sporting a lot more numbers in the near future.
