5.Falcons vs Vikings: Let's face it, the Falcons have about as much of a shot at a winning record as Britney Spears does making a successful comeback. Still, we'd like to see how Joey handles the pressure in his first real game at QB. Plus, we need every division rival to lose to keep things evened up right out of the gate.
Wish: Vikings win.
Prediction: Vikings by a field goal.
4. Bucs v Seahawks: Primarily for the same reasons listed above, but this is also our next opponent. Time to size up the competition and see if Gaycia Garcia will truly be the answer to the Bucs Quarterback woes.
Wish: A breaking news alert at halftime reveals Jeff Garcia is being investigated for "misconduct" in a bathroom stall at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.
Prediction: Seahawks by a TD.
3. Eagles vs Packers: These are two NFC teams predicted to show signs of improvement thanks to some offseason moves. Let's see if they live up to the hype.
Wish: Andy Reid quits, Donovan chokes, and Eagles fans consider pulling an Owen Wilson.
Prediction: Eagles by 13
2. Giants vs Dallas: Gotta love a good division rivalry.
Wish: Um, is there anyway both of these a-holes can lose?
Prediction: UPSET! Giants by 4
1.Bears vs Chargers: The team that never should have made it to last year's Super Bowl takes on the team that was supposed to but didn't.
Wish: Rex Grossman sucks so badly, his team somehow ends up with negative points.
Prediction: Da Bears are who we thought they were. Chargers by 14+
NFL Sunday Week 1: Games We Give a Crap About
Nola Chick Lets It Out, Then Lets It Go...
Dear Saints,
So I've been thinking a lot about what happened between us Thursday night. I know it's not fair for me to keep harping on this, but you really disappointed me. I did everything you asked of me. I wore my jersey, ate my red beans, and drank lots of beer. 
When it seemed like me petting my dog was the key to us making big defensive plays, I made sure to keep her close, no matter how much she wanted to go lie down in her crate.
Later in the game, when I realized you no longer responded to me being affectionate toward my dog and in fact seemed to be rebelling against it, I put her out on the patio. 
I didn't even think twice about it, possibly qualifying me for the worst dog mommy in the world award.
In the third quarter, when it seemed like my Saints jersey and fleur-de-lis necklace weren't enough, I added my brand new Saints tie to the ensemble. 
I even dealt with the judgemental looks of friends, who thought perhaps I had officially flown over the cuckoo's nest. 
I responded to their concerned stares with more beer, just like you taught me.
When that yielded no rewards, I rubbed the belly of my precious Buddah statue for good luck, (then said a quick prayer to Jesus, just so he knew I wasn't being a Judas.) And still, you offered me nothing. That really hurt me.
Today, I wore my Saints tie to work because, in spite of everything, I still hold you close to my heart. I just sometimes feel like you take my efforts for granted. After last season, I thought we decided we'd be in this thing together. I'd carry out all my bizarre superstitions and you'd respond by kickin' some ass. I know we can't win em all, but at least allow me the courtesy of knowing my obsessive efforts are not in vain.
With that said, I'm willing to move past this if you are. I hope you won't put me in this kind of position again. I hope you know that this relationship can't work unless its 50/50. (I'll even take 70/30 if you throw in a Reggie Bush makeout session.) I truly believe you want this to work as much as I do. Now, I just need you to show it.
Thanks for letting me speak from the heart and I promise not to bring this up everytime we get into a fight. (But who are we kidding???)
Love Always,
Nola Chick
P.S. You don't even have to say you love me back. I can just feel it.
WTF?
Anybody ready to jump off the bandwagon yet? Anybody ready to pull out their trusty brown paper bags? What about those of you struggling to come up with clever 'same ole Saints' sayings? Are you there? Well, let the Chicks be the first to invite you to hit your head on the Super Dome ramp on your way off the bandwagon and choke on that brown paper bag. You see, this is the type of game that separates the die-hards from the fairweathers. So the question remains...are you in or are you out?
As for us, we're more than in! Yeah, we know. The Saints stunk it up more than the pet cemetery in Michael Vick's doggie graveyard. But you know what? We'd rather they get that out of their systems now than in week 13 when it REALLY counts.
So what happened tonight? Well, there are a couple different answers. Drew Brees conjuring up the ghost of Aaron Brooks didn't help. Reggie Bush developing "hot potatoes/don't sack me" syndrome didn't help. Sean Payton morphing into Jim Haslett on a gutless 4th and inches play didn't help, along with a few other bad calls. And don't even get us started on the defense giving up the big plays. (Yeah, we're talking to you David and McKenzie!) But more importantly, this team fell victim to its own hype. And we say, thank Goodness!!
They've been touted as the class of the NFC all offseason, predicted to win the Super Bowl, and praised for their miraculous turnaround. How could they not feel tempted to go down on themselves just a little come game one? After all, a few analysts predicted they'd beat the Super Bowl champs.
Well you know what, they didn't. In fact, they got that ass tapped. To make matters worse, their poor play persuaded the Chicks to abandon beer and turn to stronger methods of intoxication. But we never changed the channel. We swallowed our bitter pill like men and we're all the wiser for it.
These aren't the same ole Saints. They'll recover from this. They'll take on the Bucs next week and get their groove back in ways not even Stella imagined. The "Earth to Saints" moment has come and gone and they're better for it. This isn't the ending we hoped for or even predicted. But in many ways, it's the ending we needed.
Saints 10 Colts 41. A bitter pill to swallow indeed. But we'll sleep tonight knowing that the rest of the season will be enough to help wash this one down in ways a cold Corona never could.
Game Day Chick Tip: Get Your Game Face On!
Tonight's the night, The NFL Season Opener: Saints vs Colts! (I think I just had a mini-orgasm!) Just like with the teams, what YOU do tonight will set the tone for the rest of the season. While most of us Chicks have been preparing for this night for weeks, some of you may be feeling a little rusty. Below we help you get up to speed and get your game face on!
*Don't watch countless hours of ESPN countdown coverage. It will only enhance your anxiety. Watch just enough to know who'll you start and sit in fantasy football
*Brush up on game day trash talk material. Gather stats on obvious advantages of your team and disadvantages of the other team and be prepared to whip them out at a moment's notice. Also, study your team's weakness and have a counterpoint for every argument. When all else fails, rely on a cleverly concocted 'yo momma' joke!
*Decide where you're watching the game at least three hours before kickoff. None of this "should we meet at the sports bar...Wait, what about my house?" crap when your team is 20 minutes from running out of the tunnel.
*Don't get too drunk too fast. Pace yourself to two beers an hour pre-game and no more than two a quarter during the game.
*Unless you're trying out for a linebacker opening next spring, go easy on the face stuffing. Stick to just a couple slices of pizza then pop open a bag of carrots to nibble on and satisfy your snack cravings.
MUST See TV!
Not since Ross convinced Rachel to get off the plane in the series finale of Friends has a Thursday night on NBC meant so much to a Chick. This Thursday, when the Saints take on the Colts in the NFL season opener, a different kind of drama will unfold with a far less predictable ending.
On Friends, the writers chose the storybook romance route to end a 10 year “will they/won’t they” saga between the show’s star characters. Turns out, the epic battle of the Saints vs. Colts, has a “will they, won’t they” plot line of its own. Will they (the Saints) live up to the hype or won’t they? Will they (the Colts) set the tone for another championship year or won’t they? (They won’t if our #18 voodoo dolls have anything to say about it.)
And just like on Friends, the same catch phrases apply. We’ll get to see Reggie and Deuce for four whole quarters! (“How you doin?!”) We’ll get to see Brees, the top passer in the NFC, take on Peyton Manning, the top passer in the AFC in a guaranteed shootout. (Could we be anymore excited?) And as for Tony Dungy, the guy we cheered for like he was our grandpa during Super Bowl XLI, let’s just say as of this moment, “WE ARE ON A BREAK!!!”
Still not convinced Thursday’s match-up won’t make for Must See TV Magic? You MUST be kidding! Below the Chicks Break Down what could give either side the ultimate edge.
Will Smith MUST Disrupt Peyton Manning’s Rhythm
Manning is always quick to release the ball, making it difficult for defenses in past seasons to shake, rattle and roll all over him. Manning goes into 2007 without tackle Tarik Glenn who was the fierce guardian of his QB’s blindside. Saints All-Pro defensive end Will Smith will instead line up against rookie tackle Tony Ugoh.
Indy Run Defense MUST Stop Deuce and Reggie
That’s a tall order for the Colts based on their record last year as the worst run defense in the league. Tomorrow, they’ll have to contend with the premier tailback duo in the NFL. The Colts now have the added disadvantage of losing Anthony “Booger” McFarland, their foremost run stuffer, for the season due to a knee injury. But Tony Dungy is a defensive mastermind so look for him to work around these problems with some creative schemes to attempt a slow down of McAllister and Bush.
Saints Pass Defense MUST Rise To This Occasion
The Saints’ secondary gave away far too many big plays last season that left Saints fans feeling around for more Dome Foam to dull the pain. It could be a long night for the Saints if Manning gets into the groove with his two Pro Bowl wide receivers, Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne. But Sean Payton & Co. did some wily hiring in the off season and brought in Jason David, formerly a cornerback with the Colts. David surely has some secrets to share with the Saints’ cornerbacks and safeties to keep Harrison and Wayne in check.
Colts MUST Balance Their Passing with a Sustained Run Attack
In 2006, the Colts had the one-two punch of veteran Dominic Rhodes and rookie Joseph Addai to power their turf assault. Rhodes left for the Oakland Raiders in the off season. Talented sophomore Addai will miss the know-how of Rhodes while working alongside two other young backs, Kenton Keith and Luke Lawton. The Saints will be quick to target this inexperience and try to corral the Colts on the ground forcing them to rely solely on their aerial game.
Saints MUST Score On Every Red Zone Opportunity
The Saints first string offense looked precise and powerful during preseason. Their only glitch was not scoring touchdowns on several occasions when they were in the red zone. Faced with a high-scoring opponent like the Colts, Drew Brees needs to lead the team into the end zone at every possible opportunity to keep the points rolling on the Saints’ side of the scoreboard.
An unhappy ending to the Friends finale, sure we would have gotten over it eventually. But there will be no flipping of the script in the finale of this NFL opener.
Chick Prediction: Saints 24-Colts 20. As for you Peyton, we know it’ll hurt losing the first game of the season. But not to worry, “We’ll be there for you…”
Countdown to Kickoff: The Delirium Sets In
*In preparation for game day, we have avoided all Ed Norton movies due to his striking resemblance to that Manning boy whose name we refuse to utter.
*No Fleur-de-lis paraphernalia is to be worn until game day in the unlikely event that it loses its power over time. (A lesson learned the hard way after the NFC Championship debacle.)
*Will continue watching the following movies to the point of ad nauseam just in case Coach Payton needs us to phone in a Kyle Turley-esque half time speech: Rudy, Any Given Sunday, Invincible, Remember the Titans, Friday Night Lights, and We are Marshall. (Will also secretly watch Varsity Blues but too ashamed to admit it.)
*Currently practicing updates to the Benson Boogie. The remix, appropriately titled “The Chick Strut” shall be unveiled in the Dome on September 24th. Although, we may be tempted to bust it out on Thursday night if things go according to plan.
*Putting away all shirtless photos of Reggie Bush in an attempt to stay focused leading up to game day.
*Memorizing new roster of players and their numbers to avoid any embarrassing game day shout-outs.
*Trying to decide if pre-game “get hype” ritual should revolve around “I Believe,” “The Saints are Coming,” “When the Saints Go Marching In,” “The Way We Live: Saints Remix” or all of the above.
*Searching Craigslist for Matrix-like device that will wipe away all memories of shirtless photos of Reggie Bush which prove to be a continued distraction.
Countdown to Kickoff: T-3
We've drafted our fantasy football players, ordered the NFL package, and bought our fashionable new Deuce jerseys in a bright white with black trim which we'll wear for away games. (Wearing the pink Reggie jersey for home games seemed to suit us well last season.) The case of Corona is in the fridge (along with some cheap stuff we'll share with the guests), the Hurricane mix is stocked, and the red beans will soon be soaking. So to answer your question ESPN: Yes, we ARE ready for some football.
On Thursday, our Saints will set out to give Peyton Manning a sense of rejection he hasn't experienced since his Newman days. The Colts and Saints kickoff regular season in a matchup that should have taken place back in February...but we digress. Both teams have a lot to prove but really it's only just one thing: "We're not a fluke!"
In the days to come, we'll break down the matchup. But before we look forward, we've decided to look back in a Chicks Cheat Sheet of sorts. We'll look back to what's happened in the offseason, what we did wrong, what we did right, and what makes us want to make out with the Saints even more this season than we did in '06.
The Draft: While everyone was screaming "Get a corner!! Get a safety!! Build up our defense!!", the Saints were thinking, let's make this unstoppable offense an even greater force to be reckoned with. In the first round, they shocked all the analysts by picking up Robert Meachem. The wide receiver out of Tennessee, known for his size and speed, made a modest preseason debut. Meachem survived the final preseason cut with the coaching staff still hopeful he can have a Colston like "that guy came out of nowhere" impact on the offense.
The Saints went on to pickup some defensive players deeper in the draft, like cornerbacks Usama Young and David Jones (who eventually got the boot.)
The Cuts: You're right Boyz II Men, it IS so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. This offseason we said bye-bye to the likes of Hollywood Horn and John "don't count on me for an extra point" Carney. The Saints also cut impressive rookie receiver Antonio Pittman who went on to sign with the Rams. Another notable cut, linebacker Dhani Jones. To put it plainly, he stunk last season. Seems like the Saints feared a repeat in '07.
The Pickups: Kicker Olindo Mare of Miami gives me palapations everytime he takes the field. He's 6 of 10 and had 1 blocked field goal in the Buffalo game. (I pray the Carney era will at no point in the near future be referred to as "the good ole days.") Another pickup, Colts cornerback Jason David.
This offseason, the Saints also picked up a new slogan: Earn it! What better way to do just that than to kick off the season beating up on the Super Bowl Champs.
