They are as common at a football game as a missed tackle, a complaining wide receiver, and a chubby beer guy. And unlike a hold committed during a kick return, this kind of foul can be spotted almost immediately. That’s right, we’re talking about the ultimate personal foul; the dreaded Fan Fashion Faux Pas.
You see them all the time in the form of tube tops threatening to fall down, short skirts threatening to ride up, and flabby, hairy men who always seem most prone to opt for body paint over an actual shirt. (Why can’t the Brad Pitts and Tyson Beckfords of the world ever be die-hard enough to go topless?)
While real fans know fashion statements shouldn’t be a top priority, it’s definitely something worth a few seconds of thought if you plan on watching the game somewhere other than on a couch. Below are a few fashion fouls for all us Chicks to review so as to avoid a game day beat down!
Fashion Faux Pas #1: Club Clothes Penalty: 10 yards
Unless you plan on joining the cheerleaders at halftime, there’s really no need to show up to a game in something that could have been pulled from a closet in the Playboy Mansion. With that in mind, we advise you to completely avoid the section of your closet that includes the following: daisy dukes, tube tops, prom gowns, the little black dress, and your favorite skirt from 8th grade.
No need to wear anything bulky or butch. Just keep in mind wardrobe malfunctions are meant for the field, not the stands.
Fashion Faux Pas #2: Color Blind Penalty: 15 yards
Not since wearing white after Labor Day has the color of your attire been so important. A true fan knows to either wear the team colors or avoid the opponent’s colors on game day at all costs. Imagine showing up at the Dome wearing green and yellow for a Packers game. You deserve to get the same kind of snowball pelting Eagles fans gave Santa Claus on that chilly Philly day in 1968.
Fashion Faux Pas #3: The Stiletto No-No Penalty: 10 yards
You can barely walk in them at work. What makes you think you can wear them to an event that requires you to stand up, cheer, dance, second line, and possibly throw a temper tantrum for 3 hours straight? Face it honey, Carrie Bradshaw’s about the only woman who can make a pair of stilettos look like Aerosoles Ballet Flats. Nobody wants to hear you whining and complaining about how much your dogs are barking when the team is down by 10 with 5:00 minutes left in the game. Chick Tip: Stick to the shoes you turn to for Christmas shopping on Black Friday. They’ve proven in the past they can go the distance.
Game Day Chick Tip: What NOT to Wear
The Huddle Hottie Watch Continues
We're counting down the hottest NFL players born in the past 25 years. We now present: #s 10-6.
#10 Travis Wilson, WR Cleveland Browns
Born: 02/11/1984
Who can resist an angry man in brown?
#9 Mike Bell, RB Denver Broncos
Born: 04/23/1983
A smile this bright deserves a little of the limelight!
#8 Kellen Winslow, TE Cleveland Browns
Born: 07/21/1983
Perhaps he's thinking "How did my arms get so damn cut?"
#7 LaRon Landry, S Washington Redskins
Born: 10/14/1984
Not exactly the face of an angel, but that bod's enough to make you feel downright devilish!
#6 #6 Jeremy Bloom, WR Philadelphia Ealges
Born: 04/02/1982
Who cares if he never gets to suit up. With this physique, he doesn't have too!
Two shirtless hotties for the price of one! Oh how we love the Top 10!
#5-#1 is just around the corner...
Camp's Out for Summer
Picture Courtesy: Michael DeMocker, TP Staff photographer
It's like getting to class only to realize it's been canceled, there's a substitute, or the printer ate your final exams. Saints Coach Sean Payton got all sappy at Millsaps today, suprising the team 15 minutes into their training camp workout with a field trip to a local water park. Payton pulled a similar stunt during training camp last season. Instead of two hours of sweating it out on the field, the Black and Gold Boys got to let off some steam at the Rapids on the Reservoir Water Park.
Oddly enough, a day of play proved just as dangerous as grinding it out at camp for two players. Linebacker Scott Fujita and Tight End Billy Miller both got banged up during their day of wet and wild fun. Fujita was seen on crutches with a taped up right foot following the team’s return to camp. Billy Miller injured his forehead and was spotted wearing a large bandage. (Just what exactly were they doing in that water...)
No word on the seriousness of their injuries and if this will impact potential playing time for either player on Friday night in the Superdome against the Buffalo Bills.
Taking a Bite Out of Crime
While Michael Vick remains in the dog house trying to avoid the big house, one trio of savvy businessmen has decided to use Vick's personal woes for their personal gain. The guys have teamed up to sell the ultimate in ironic pet treats, the Michael Vick Dog Chew Toy. According to vickdogchewtoy.com, the product is made of
"state of the art dog material...and is so strong and flexible, it will challenge every breed. Especially the Pit Bull."
The toy sells for $10.99 plus shipping and handling. Portions of the proceeds will go toward animal cruelty awareness.
Is it just us or does this toy share an uncanny resemblance to Louis Armstrong?
Every Chick Crazy Bout a Sharp Dressed Man
We love him in his uniform, we'd prefer him in his birthday suit, but it's his street clothes that earned Patriots QB Tom Brady a top honor from Esquire Magazine. Brady got the #1 one spot on Esquire's list of the Best Dressed Men in the world. His gorgeous accessory, aka girlfriend/supermodel Gisele Bundchen, may have played a role in boosting his rank. Esquire also praised Brady for his "All-American Kennedy-clan suits". Another NFL star making the list, San Francicso 49ers head coach Mike Nolan. Nolan, aka the Anti-Belichick when it comes to fashion, is known for sporting more suits than sweats on the sidelines. He earned the 11th spot on the list.
Other standouts include Rapper Jay-Z, who earned the #2 spot, Senator Barack Obama who came in fourth, and Mr. Longoria aka San Antonio Spurs Star Tony Parker, who landed at #23.
(Many apologies E.L. for the Mendes goof!)
Unhappy Campers
--The latest news out of Saints Training Camp was enough to bring fans to their knees. Starting Left Tackle (& Pro Bowler) Jammal Brown went down with what was thought to be a serious knee injury during practice today. It ended up being diagnosed as a bone bruise. It's unclear how long Brown's injury will keep him off the field but trainers are confident he won't need to go under the knife. (All together, now...PHEW!)
--The news isn't nearly as good for Colts Defensive Tackle Anthony McFarland. According to a report in the Indianapolis Star, McFarland has been diagnosed with a season ending knee injury. McFarland was considered a key figure in the Colts' stingy defensive performance during their 2006 Super Bowl run.
--Like a virgin on prom night, JaMarcus Russell ain't givin' it up, no matter how bad he may want to! The #1 draft pick has yet to sign with the Oakland Raiders in what will likely be a futile attempt to get more money. Word on the street is that he's looking for a $31 million cash guarantee. Russell and NY Jets Cornerback Darrelle Revis are now the only unsigned first round picks. Browns QB Brady Quinn finally ended his hold out. Guess he finally realized he was lucky just being asked to prom...why play hard to get?
How We Got Over the Saints' Preseason Loss...
Looks like Subway's newest spokesperson is packing a footlong! (To our male readers, sorry...we couldn't resist!)
