Observations from around the league:
Oh great, so now even the Falcons have won a game.
With or without Rex, Da Bears freakin' suck.
Sorry Pam Oliver, but your bad weave should've drawn a flag during the FOX NFL Countdown show.
Are the Rams really that bad or are the Cowboys just that good?
We hate to admit it, but Ed Hochuli's buffness is starting to become a distraction.
Packers V Vikings: Only the first and fourth quarters mattered.
Chargers fans, we feel your pain...
Coaches challenge on the Pam Oliver call. Andrea Kremer's hair is a hot mess too!
Go Matt Leinart! ... I mean Kurt Warner! Wait, Leinart's in again. Nope, that's Warner! (And you said there was a quarterback controversy in Arizona. Bite your tongue!)
Well Eagles fans, at least you have the Phillies.
NFL Week 4: The Chicks Break it Down
U Da Man!
It took less than one quarter against the Minnesota Vikings for Brett Favre to break Dan Marino's record for career touchdown passes. TD #421 went to wide receiver Greg Jennings on a 16 yard play. What was even better than the play was the celebration dance that followed. Brett hoisted Jennings over his shoulder in a move reminiscent of Patrick Swayze at the end of Dirty Dancing. (Nobody puts Brett in a corner!)
Dan Marino, the picture of class, reacted to the record breaking play by saying
"I loved holding the touchdown record for the past 13 years. But if someone was going to break it, I'm glad it was someone like you."(We're told he then thought to himself, "Now I got no ring and no record. WHAT THE F?!!!!!" and headed straight to the nearest nudey bar.)
Favre also holds the records for career completions and consecutive starts by a quarterback, along with most random appearance in a comedy for his cameo in "There's Something About Mary."
Pat Healy: "What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?"
Brett Favre: "I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass."
All Together Now: "LSU! LSU! LSU!"
For the first time since 1959, the LSU Tigers are #1 in the AP Poll. Wow! This is so unexpected. There's just so many people to thank.
Um, we'd like to thank USC, for narrowly beating unranked Washington in a day of college football upsets. We'd like to thank the Tigers' offense, for abandoning its Little League Football offensive scheme in the second half of the Tulane Game. Of course, gotta thank the man upstairs, who's a huge Tigers fan but apparently isn't that into the Saints this year.
With the Saints Away, the Chicks Will Play
The bad news about this week in the NFL: the Saints are on a bye. The good news about this week in the NFL: the Saints are on a bye. So with no black and gold team to stress over, the Chicks have decided to get all up in the Kool-Aid (and yes, we do know the flavor) of some other NFL teams and must see matchups.
'ROTTEN' BENCH
How cool is it to get to say you're both captain of your football team and head cheerleader? Several high profile quarterbacks will spend four quarters watching their games from the sidelines this Sunday and for various reasons. Some because they suck, some because they're hurt, and still others, well, all of the above.
Sidelined:
Matt Leinart, QB Arizona Cardinal
But Why?: Suckyness/Rookie Mistakes
Replacement: Kurt Warner
Jake Delhomme, QB Carolina Panthers
But Why?: Elbow Issues
Replacement: David Carr
Rex Grossman, QB Chicago Bears
But Why?: Did you really have to ask? Dude sucks like Lewinsky in her favorite little black dress
Replacement: Brian Griese
Josh McCown, QB Oakland Raiders
But Why?: Broken Toe
Replacement: Daunte Culpepper
Interesting to Note: Daunte will be taking on his former team, the Miami Dolphins. Which leads us to our next topic....
I promise this isn't a line. But um, don't I know you from somewhere?
Finally, Falcons fans will get to boo someone other than their own team. Ex-Falcon QB Matt Schaub returns to the Georgia Dome this Sunday for the first time since getting cut. The Texans (2-1) take on the Falcons (0-3) in a game that's got "Damn it, we're going to hear a lot of commentating on dog fighting" written all over it.
Ravens friend turned foe Jamal Lewis will also be taking on his old team when Baltimore and the Browns meet up in Cleveland. Let's see how much he likes being on the receiving end of that obnoxious Ray Lewis sack dance. (Wasn't T.O.'s version so much cooler?)
There's Something About Brett
The Vikings will likely have the honor of starring in Brett Favre's highlight reel after he breaks Dan Marino's career TD passing record tomorrow. How can we be so sure tomorrow's game goes in the history books? Um, have you been watching the Vikings play. Not to mention, the Packers have won three of their last four games played in Minnesota and the Vikings have the 20th ranked pass defense in the league.
So kick up your feet, pop open a cold one, and relax my little Who Dats. There's plenty-o pigskin to be had this Sunday. And at least this time around, you can watch without the threat of throwing something at your plasma in a fit of rage.
Deuce Watch
Deuce McAllister is getting in a little R & R after undergoing a successful surgery in Birmingham, AL. The surgery is the first step in repairing a torn ACL on the Saints RB's left knee. Saints GM Mickey Loomis told the media today:
"We are very pleased to hear that Deuce's surgery went well," Loomis said. "We're confident that his rehabilitation will go well and everyone in the Saints organization is looking forward to having Deuce back on the field in a Saints uniform in 2008."
During the surgery, doctors also patched up some issues on Deuce's right knee, which was originally injured back in 2005. The procedure should help eliminate any soreness stemming from the old injury.
Keep sending the good vibes ladies and gents. We just might get a Saintly miracle after all!
National Foot-Bawl League
Jimmy: "Rogers Hornsby was my manager, and he called me a talking pile of pigshit. And that was when my parents drove all the way down from Michigan to see me play the game. And did I cry?"
Evelyn: "No, no, no."
Jimmy: "NO. NO. And do you know why?"
Evelyn: "No..."
Jimmy: "Because there's no crying in baseball. THERE'S NO CRYING IN BASEBALL! No crying!"
And that's exactly why we're not into the MLB. You see in football, watching a player catch a case of the waterworks is about as common as hearing the prez mispronounce a word. After all, who better than a Chick to relate to raw, uncut emotion.
Take for instance this week's announcement that Deuce McAllister would be out for the rest of the season with a torn ACL. During a news conference, Fullback Mike Karney got choked up while talking about the setback and its impact on his teammate and friend. He even admitted to hugging Deuce and crying after hearing the news. But because we understand the sport and the bond built between these players, we weren't once tempted to question Karney's manhood or brand him a wussy. Who wouldn't weep for Deuce for crying out loud!
In fact, Karney's not the only NFL player known for ballin' and bawlin'. Back in August, former Cowboys wide receiver Michael Irvin went from being coked up to choked up while making his Hall of Fame induction speech. And we're not talking a few sniffles and watery eyes. We're talking a full on Tammy Faye (Bakker) Messner, mascara running, let it out dude, kind of cry.
Then there's Green Bay Packers QB Brett Favre who proved his arm and his tear ducts were still intact after last season's win over the Chicago Bears. Favre got emotional during an interview after the game, leading some to believe he was ready to hang up his jersey for good. Turns out that despite his tears, he was a far cry from leaving the league. And it looks like his team is all the better for it.
Sometimes in the NFL, we witness a little tears for fears. Take for instance when the Bills watched their teammate, tight end Kevin Everett lay limp on the field after taking a nasty hit during the team's season opener. Several players, including punter Brian Moorman, admitted to fighting back tears as they waited for word on whether Everett would be okay. Some of them broke down in the locker room the day after the incident. Within days, their tears of grief turned into tears of joy after hearing news that Everett would likely be able to walk again.
Of course, it doesn't always take tragedy or triumph to get the snot flowing for America's tough guys. Back in 2005, 6-foot-6, 290-pound Miami Dolphins Rookie Manuel Wright showed the toughness of a preteen girl in pigtails when he broke down on the field during practice. What got him so worked up during the workout? Apparently, he couldn't take being yelled at by then Dolphins Coach Nick Saban. Wright had to be escorted off the field by a member of the team's staff as he wiped away tears. (Damn dude, you let 'Little Nicky' break you down? Now that's a crying shame!) So while it's true two wrongs don't make a right, one Wright can most certainly make a very big wrong!
So to sum it all up; Yes, there IS crying in football, and thank heavens for it! These players are real, their problems are real, and their emotions are real. Not all of them see this sport as just a job. Football is their life. And to those out their who'd rather classify them as punks for daring to show emotion in public, do what you must. Just keep in mind that while you're getting your laugh on, these so called sissies are crying all the way to the bank.
Meanwhile... Vick's Still Smokin', Rex Still Sucks, and Roy Williams is a Cheap S.O.B.
Mexico Pulls a Cheech and Chong
When life handed Michael Vick a major career hit, it seems he decided to take a major bong hit. The suspended Falcons QB has been placed on tighter restrictions by a federal judge after testing positive for marijuana. The tighter restrictions will force Vick to remain in his home between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. and submit to random drug testing.
Vick submitted his pee-pee to the courts on September 13th, just weeks after pleading guilty to federal dogfighting charges. Legal analysts say the latest developments could impact Vick's December 10 sentencing.
Murdering puppies is one thing, Mike. But getting high, I mean that's where we draw the line. 
Sit Rex. Stay. Good Boy!
The Bears finally got the memo that landed on all of our desks around this time last year: Rex Grossman is about as accurate as a drunk Stevie Wonder in a dart throwing contest. The beleaguered QB will be benched for this week's game against the Detroit Lions. The decision comes after Grossman threw three interceptions Sunday night in a 34-10 loss to Dallas. (Oh Lovey, if that's all you were waiting for to bench this kid, why didn't you just say so?!)
The benching means Brian Griese will start this Sunday. And in case you forgot, Griese's the guy who had trouble bringing a title to Denver and Miami...oh, and Tampa Bay too. 
What Sound Does a Lion Make? "Cheap, cheap!"
Roy Williams may know how to make a catch, but that doesn't mean he is a catch. The Lions wide receiver not only admits he's a cheap date, but he also tells radio station WDFN-AM that he doesn't tip either:
"There’s no such thing as a tip. But I am really polite and I say ‘Thank you sir.’ … The pizza man knows, when he comes to my address, he’s coming for free.
If you’re on a date and she wants to go to a nice place, what do you do? I might just take her to the casino and get her a free buffet. If I did take a date out to a nice place, I’d take her to a nice place, like a Red Lobster or something. It wouldn’t be Morton’s or nothing like that."
Moral of the story, if your date with Roy Williams involves pizza at his house. We advise you not to eat one slice as there's a good chance the delivery man sprinkled a little surprise in the sauce.
Breaking News: Chicks Pray Their Deuce Isn't Cooked...
According to a source close to the Chicks, Deuce McAllister underwent the first of what could be several surgeries today to repair his torn ACL. While the outcome of the surgery has not been disclosed, we're keeping our fingers, toes, eyes, and legs crossed (which is a first for some Chicks, who shall remain nameless) in the hopes that #26 is now one step closer to returning to the field as a Saint in 2008.
To add to the downer aspect of this particular ordeal, our interview with Deuce has been postponed. (We should have known something like this would happen the second NOLA Chick bought that new shade of Mac Lipgloss.) We're hoping to speak with him and get your questions answered as soon as he gets back on his feet. In the meantime, you can keep busy by sending your well wishes to Deuce to the following address.
Deuce McAllister
c/o Josselyn Miller
Deuce McAllister Nissan
905 I-20 South Frontage Road
Jackson, MS 39204
When It Hurts So Bad
We see no need to reopen old wounds, revisit the pain, or retell history; we all know what happened Monday night. And thanks to some court ordered visits with a therapist and a cocktail of appropriately prescribed uppers, NOLA Chick finds herself on the road to recovery. According to a family spokesperson, she appreciates the many well wishes sent her way.
As for the Saints, well it might take a little more than hard drugs and a soft couch to get them back on their feet. Who knew the 31-14 ass tapping our team received in front of yet another national audience was just the start of what was shaping out to be a nightmarish week in Saints football? The news that Deuce McAllister would miss the rest of the season due to a torn knee ligament eclipsed even the gut wrenching pain of watching up close and personal as our team bent over and took it like fresh meat at OPP. Deuce will have to undergo the same procedure and rehabilitation used to repair a torn right ACL in 2005. Best case scenario, his rehabilitation is complete come training camp '08.
Will Deuce be 100% come the next season opener, doubtful. Will the Saints continue to honor their $50 million deal with a back who may never have the speed and power that made him among the best in the league? (Hard to say, but we certainly wouldn't have it any other way.) And say Deuce won't agree to a pay cut, will that send him packing to the Falcons, the land of all beloved Ex-Saints? Dear God we hope not. At any rate, it's time we come to terms with the fact that our star player, the guy who we all consider the key to victory, is gone for the season and has possibly played his last game as a Saint. And NO amount of throat coating booze will make that pill easier to swallow.
Right now, we can't help but think to ourselves, "What a difference a year makes." We marched away from last season's home opener 3-0 and shlepped away from this one 0-3. Back then, we were hesitant to believe the Saints could actually get as far as they did. This year, despite the startling evidence before us, we defiantly resist the notion that they can't make it to the big game.
We have two weeks to get our proverbial poop straight. Two weeks to lick our wounds, regain our focus, and get back to being the team we can be. Two weeks to pray that Deuce will make a miraculous recovery and that the Eagles will never again subject us to those Care Bear inspired throwback uniforms. We have two weeks to prove that we're still motivated to fulfill the promise of two simple words: Earn It!
As for you Reggie, it's time to put Hollywood on hold. Starting today, you've got some hellified shoes to fill.
Talking the Chick Down
In light of recent events involving the New Orleans Saints, we are currently focusing all our energy on convincing NOLA Chick not to jump.
The Young and the Restless
A message to Vince Young: unlike my momma’s okra gumbo, revenge is a dish best served cold. For you, you very strange looking young man, it will come in the form of a fired up former foe who would love nothing more than to run over your defense and single-handedly keep your offense off the field in a Monday Night spectacle. You see, Reggie remembers what happened January 4, 2006, when you lead the Longhorns over his USC Trojans in the final minutes of the game. Truth be told, he took no pleasure in watching Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite walk all over his team. And while we’re on the subject, here’s a friendly reminder to pack your Longhorns National Championship T-shirt when you set out for the Big Easy. You’ll need it for comfort come Tuesday morning.
How can fans of an 0-2 team be so confident their clash with the Titans will end in victory? It’s quite simple you see; failure is no longer an option. The Saints are hungry for victory. They’re hungrier than Kirstie Alley walking past a Krispy Kreme sign with the ‘hot’ light on. They’ve suffered a national embarrassment, a shocking loss to a formerly 4-12 team, and the shame of knowing they’ve let down their ever-faithful band of believers. And while these facts may serve to make you all the more confident about your big MNF debut, we Who Dats know this recent course of events will make you about as vulnerable as a washed up pop star trying to make her big comeback lip synching in a bedazzled bikini.
Cue The Bangles sweet Vince, cuz you’re in for a Manic Monday indeed. And don’t even think you can show your ass in the Dome the way you did after last week’s loss to the Colts. We watched you leave the field without meeting for the “good sport” midfield handshake. Then, like the Wonderlic underachiever you are, you petulantly mouthed off to reporters during the post-game press conference. The tough loss to Indianapolis obviously left you rattled. Now just wait till Will Smith and Charles Grant get a hold of you in front of tens of thousands of screaming N’awlins fans.
Forget the Clash with the Titans. This is the story of the Young and the Restless. And we restless chicks will accept nothing less than to see you #10 and the rest of the ex-oilers head back to Music City with a Dome sized chip on your shoulder.
Chicks Prediction: Saints 20 Titans 10
Let the games begin….
The Cover 2: The Chicks Break it Down
It may be one of the primary reasons the Saints are off to an 0-2 start (other than the fact that the Chicks clearly aren't drunk enough come 2nd quarter). We're talking the Cover 2 Defense a.k.a. the Saints ultimate double edged sword.
Not only is it being used against us, but its apparently not working for us. If you've been too busy trying to figure out what it is to realize how it's hurting us, allow the Chicks to school you in a little Cover 2 101. (Football experts, feel free to go back to practicing your Benson Boogie for Monday night's home opener.)
The Cover Who? Say What?
There are several basic formations a defense can rely on to cover a pass. Some of them are named based on the number of defenders deployed deep (toward the end zone) to cover the pass. In a Cover 2, two defenders (two safeties) go deep, dividing the field into halves. While the two safeties go deep, five other defenders (two corners and three linebackers) are charged with covering their individual zones (areas of the field.) Click here for a diagram.
Why It Hurts Us On Defense: The Cover 2, while being a good way for defenders to keep the ball in front of them, also makes the defense vunerable to big plays. It creates an area in the middle of the field that can be exploited because none of the defenders can get there in time to cover a pass. (We've certainly seen our fair share of that the past couple of weeks...) And to make matters more frightening, in the instances when we've given up on the Cover 2 in the past couple weeks, it hasn't helped much.
Why It Hurts Us on Offense: When we're playing a Cover 2 Defense who knows how to play Cover 2, it typically means we're stuck making short gains and limited on the number of long passes we can attempt or complete for that matter without getting an interception.
So In Conclusion: The Cover 2 is designed to STOP the big pass play
Still confused my little angels? Click here for more diagrams and a more detailed explanation.
Now that we've made your brain hurt, here's a little something to soften the blow of too much football jargon...
Oh Snap!
Courtesy:Eliot J. Schechter/Getty Images
T.O.'s touchdown celebration mocking the Patriots spying scandal is by far our favorite picture of the week. It'll cost the Cowboy $7,500 in fines...and we think its worth every penny.
Chick Chattin' With Deuce
Consider it a make good for forcing the Chicks to add 5 pounds in liquor weight since the NFL season opener. Consider it a shift in karma due to our sincere words of comfort to a distraught Falcons fan who bemoaned the reality that an elderly kicker may soon very well be the best player on his team. For whatever reason, (though likely due in great part to one cunning Chick's killer instinct), Deuce McAllister has agreed to actually let US interview him! (And surprisingly enough, we didn't have to resort to sexual favors...not that we're necessarily above that...)
That's right, we're "Chick Chattin" with Dulymus himself.... and we've got more questions than a preteen watching his first porno. The good news is, we're no selfish Chicks. We know there's something you die-hards out there have been dying to know. Well, here's your chance to get your questions answered. Just Email the Chicks your questions for Deuce. We'll post the answers to the best questions on the site once the interview takes place. Be sure to include your name in the e-mail so we can give you credit for your oh-so-insightful query. You can make your questions as professional or profane as you please. Just keep in mind, we're only getting so dirty with #26. (That's our story, and we're sticking to it.)
While you're thinking up something good, we'll start practicing our "serious reporter head nod" in the mirror. Not to mention, we gotta work off these liquor pounds before the big day.
Stay tuned...
0-2, O.J., & OK-ville
Misery Loves Company
Sure the Saints are off to a sucky start this year. The good news is, they're not alone. Four other playoff teams from the 2006 season remain winless in week two. We're talking the Philadelphia Eagles, New York's Giants and Jets, and the Kansas City Chiefs. While Eagles fans will likely blame their troubles on QB Donovan McNabb, we'd much rather assume the slow start is the result of bad karma on a city full of foul-mouthed, New Orleans hating beeyatches!!! 
Sour Juice
Oh O.J...Remember the good ole days when celebrities could get away with murder...literally? Now here you are behind bars facing serious charges that could ruin the rest of your life. (Wait a minute, haven't we seen this movie before?)
O.J. Simpson will go to court on Thursday to face charges in connection with an Armed Robbery at a Las Vegas Hotel. What was it that police say the Juice was sooo desperate to get his hands on? Why his own memorabilia of course. Simpson claims he was trying to reclaim items stolen from him and that he was not armed at the time. (And you know O.J. wouldn't lie...)
Wanna hear Simpson's profanity-laced hotel confrontation for yourself? Count on tmz.com to make all your sick "Law and Order" fantasies come true. 
K'Ville Ov'-Kill
If you were one of the millions of people to tune into last night's season premiere of the FOX drama K-Ville, you probably found yourself faced with one nagging question: "What the F is a 'gumbo party?'" The show is a fictional account of life in New Orleans through the eyes of the NOPD two years after Katrina. Officer Boule (note the unnecessarily French last name), played by Anthony Anderson, uttered the words "How Ya Mama Nem", "Gumbo Party", and "FEMA Check" all within the opening minutes of the show. (We've been to crawfish boils, but 'gumbo parties?'...seriously?) The episode went on to show Boule's craving for a po-boy at breakfast, love for Tabasco sauce, and visit to a Real Estate Agency turned voodoo shop. At this point, we were waiting for someone to start walking around randomly tossing Mardi Gras Beads to tourists while a second line band passed out bowls of red beans in the background.
WE GET IT PEOPLE, YOU'RE IN NEW ORLEANS!! And by the way, not all of us have french names, we don't eat gumbo four times a day, everyday, and not all the houses look like Victorian mansions in Mid-City, particularly in the "Upper Ninth."
With that said, the Chicks will give this potential k-tastrophe a second chance. But if they start showing swamp land that's supposedly off St. Charles Ave., we're through!
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!
Um...so where do we start.
Well, let's try the positives. (And they are few and far between...)
- We didn't get shut out--Yipee.
- We got our first offensive touchdown of the season--Whoop-de-doo.
- The Panthers and the Falcons Lost--Hip Hip Hoo...oh forget it, let's just get to the crap.
What Sucked:
-EVERYTHING ON BOTH SIDES OF THE BALL!
-No protection from offensive line
-Bad passes and looks from Drew Brees
-Missed freakin' 38 yard field goal from Mr. "Sure I suck on dome turf, but wait till you see me kick on a field!"
-Dropped balls, dropped balls, dropped balls!
-Butterfingered running backs
-Predictable coaching plays, not enough offensive balance.
-Final Score: Saints 14 Tampa Bay 31
-Corners and Safeties scorched!!! Again...BY THE FREAKIN' BUCS!
AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hello again.
It's interesting to note that stat wise ,the teams were about neck and neck. (That's largely due to the Saints last scoring drive when most of the Bucs starters were already plotting out which groupie to take to tonight's victory party.) Needless to say, Tampa's "D" probably put up somewhat of a fight as they didn't want the Saints to score that final TD. So, we'll focus on the positive. Our once top ranked offense can still put together a decent drive. Now, if we can only get them to do it before the final two minutes of the game...
So, where do we go from here? Back to back embarrassments. The Ghosts of Brooks and Haslett once again rear their ugly heads. We know some are probably tempted to say those dreaded three little words, "Same ole Saints." But we are not in that number. We can only hope that next week's game in front of a home crowd will bring back the "Same Ole Saints" who captured our hearts (instead of breaking our hearts) in 2006. As for the guys we saw today....We hope whatever rabid monkey is on their backs got detained by Customs at Tampa's airport and is running loose in some pirate themed bar in the heart of the city.
Losing to the Super Bowl Champs: 6 Beers, 2 Shots, 1 carton of ice cream.
Making Jeff Garcia Look Like the Love Child of Peyton Manning and Michael Vick: PRIDELESS!
It's Getting Uglier...
Bucs just went up 28-Zilch.
Saints Vest: Deactivate
Saints Tie: Deactivate
Hard Liquor Upgrade: Activate
Code Red Alert: Trash Talk from Fans of Other Teams Imminent
It's Halftime of the Saints/Bucs Game: Do You Know Where Your Offense Is?
As we watch what can best be described as the most disturbing :30 minutes of football we've seen since, well...last Thursday, the Chicks can't help but wonder: "Are we being punished?" Did we get too confident as fans? Did we love these boys to hard? Did we drool over Reggie too much?
While we know it's the players own fault that they're in a 21 point deficit against the Crap-aneers at the half, we can't help but take this debacle a little personally. Needless to say, we haven't given up. It's gut check time.
As desperate times call for desperate measures, we will now break the seal on our emergency sucky-ness prevention kit to help our team bounce back from this slump. (Didn't think we'd have to turn to suck drastic measures so early in the season but, alas...)
Saints Vest: Activate
Saints Tie: Activate
Switch from Beer to Hard Liquor: Activate
Saints Cheer: Activiate
Saints Pep Talk from Die Hard Fan (a.k.a. Dad): Activate
Alright boys, make us proud this second half! (Or God Help You!!!!))
Time to Get Buc' Wild
Sean Payton may need to channel his inner Captain Jack Sparrow when the Saints cruise into Buccaneer territory later today. (Let the Chicks be the first to advise Payton to leave the eyeliner, beaded extensions and rum-based beverages at home.) The Bucs’ untried and youthful offensive line allowed 5 sacks last week on QB Jeff Garcia. Still, Payton needs to watch out for some cunning fellows who’d just love to shanghai the Saints and fire off that victory cannon.
The Curse of The Blonde Coach – Jon Gruden is now in his fifth season coaching the Buccaneers since winning the Super Bowl. He’s managed to sail along on his reputation because he brought the Vince Lombardi trophy to Tampa but he’s only achieved only one winning season since then. Gruden has always been considered an offensive whiz kid yet last season, Tampa Bay had one of the worst offenses in the league. The team ranked at or near the bottom in every important offensive category. If the Bucs don't see postseason play in 2007, it's pretty clear who'll be walking the plank.
The Swashbuckling Passer –What makes Jeff Garcia happiest about being a Buc? He gets to yell "Well, blow me down" to his offensive line without anyone batting an eyelash! Garcia had a lot of success in San Francisco going to the Pro Bowl in three consecutive seasons but he didn’t show that same level of consistency in Cleveland or Detroit. Garcia’s cutthroat spirit and dynamic leadership returned last season when he led the Philadelphia Eagles into the playoffs after Donovan McNabb landed in sick bay. He benefited from stepping into the Eagles’ well-oiled offensive crew making it an easy transition for him. Not exactly the case in Tampa. And let's say "Good Jeff" (and not his evil twin) shows up today. The Bucs’ offensive line still needs to offer decent protection so Garcia has time to use his nimble feet and savvy eye to make things happen.
The Fleet First Mate – Wide receiver Joey Galloway has been a pox on the Saints' defense the last two seasons. Galloway has had 17 receptions for 218 yards and 6 touchdowns in just four meetings against New Orleans. And now Galloway has a new quarterback at the helm to help him clobber the Saints’ secondary with the threat of his big play possibilities. Sean Payton crossed paths with Galloway when both men were with the Cowboys in 2003 so he knows that the 13-year veteran is a menace anywhere on the field. Because Galloway requires constant vigilance from the secondary, this opens up opportunities for the other Bucs receivers: Ike Hilliard, Michael Clayton and Maurice Stovall. The Saints were constantly peppered in the backfield by the Colts last week so Galloway and the rest of the Bucs’ receiving corps may have figured out what Xs mark the spots to treasure in the end zone.
The Barber-y Ghost – Cornerback Ronde Barber, the less "douche-baggy" of the wondertwins, has played for the Buccaneers for eleven seasons. Barber learned his craft under the guidance of defensive mastermind Tony Dungy when he was coach of the Buccaneers from 1996-2001. That means the Saints face a wily veteran who is an expert at the same defensive scheme that soundly defeated them just ten days ago.
The Tampa D surrendered 343 yards against the Seattle Seahawks in their season opener. While the Saints offense hopes to rebound in a big way this week, Barber wants to show that his defensive squad still carries the imprint of its glory days.
Chicks Prediction: Saints 24 Bucs 10
Shiver me timbers...those scurvy Tampa Bay boys are in for a beat down!
Is LJ Getting a Bad Rap for Bad Rap?
This video is allegedly the work of Kansas City Chiefs Running Back Larry Johnson. It includes a diss against Chiefs GM Carl Peterson and Johnson's teammate, veteran RB Priest Holmes. The rap was posted on myspace with Johnson's name attached to it, but he and his camp vehemently deny he had anything to do with it. Take a listen and decide for yourself. (Listener discretion is advised!)
Bringin' Crazy Back
Just when we thought that weed smokin', wedding dress wearing, fool of a running back was finally out of our lives, Ricky Williams has decided to compete with Britney in the category of "Unlikeliest of All Comebacks." The Paxil poppin former Saint will apparently seek reinstatement with the NFL after October 1st.
Perhaps we should take this opportunity to quote L.L. and scream 'Don't Call It a Comeback!', particularly since Williams is still officially under contract with the Miami Dolphins. He's been on suspension since April of 2006 when the league busted him for his fourth drug policy violation. (Perhaps he misunderstood the term "smoke the competition...")
The question remains, if he is reinstated, where will he play? There's a fat chance Miami will welcome him back with open arms. Current Dolphins GM Randy Mueller is the same dude who traded him off the Saints a few years back. (We owe you one Randy!) Still, there's gotta be some team out there desperate for a man who rushed for 3,000+ yards in 2 seasons with the Dolphins.
Before Williams is reinstated with the league, he must prove he's no longer intent to watch his career go "up in smoke." Once he's proven he's followed the NFL's drug policy, it'll be up to commissioner Roger Goodell to decide his fate.
So, what's Slick Rick been up to during his hiatus? A little Canadian Football league here, a little yoga instructing there, not to mention the occasional intense conversation with his imaginary pet goat Yule. According to the Associated Press, Williams' attorney refused to divulge exactly what his clients been up to since his suspension in April, or where he's been for that matter.
Stay tuned my friends. The Crazy Train may just be stopping at a town near you!
Your Cheatin' Heart
Inspired by the Patriots' 'Pecs, Lies, and Videotape' scandal, the Chicks find it appropriate, if not timely, to pay homage to famous cheaters in history. Of course, it's important to remember that Patriots team leaders are innocent until proven guilty. (You know...just like in Michael Vick's case.) But since we're feeling a little randy after a Thursday night happy hour, we figured why not get all "libelous with it" and kick the Pats while their down!
And Now...The Top Ten "Chicks Cheat Sheet"
Cry Me A River:
#10 Britney Spears- As if this poor girl didn't have enough baggage... She'll go down in pop history as the tart who broke J.T.'s heart. But unlike most cheating victims, the man who 'brought sexy back' refused to suffer in silence. He turned his heartbreak over Britney's alleged infidelity into a hit song and a successful solo career. There's something to be said about that whole "last laugh" theory.
"I did NOT have sexual relations with that woman." (Or Did I...)
#9 Bill Clinton- Slick Willy lead the country during one of its most prosperous times in recent history, was a vocal champion of civil rights for minorities and became the first Democratic president to appoint a female Supreme Court justice. With that said, he'll likely best be known for getting a b.j. from one of his interns and staining her pretty black dress.
Reality Bites
#8 Mike Tyson- During a knock down, drag out rematch versus Evander Holyfield in 1997, Mike Tyson decided to take the saying "fighting tooth and nail" a little too literally. He sunk his teeth into his opponent's ear twice during the fight. But Tyson says it was only to avenge a head butt Holyfield threw his way earlier in the evening. Tyson was eventually disqualified for his antics. (Talk about taking a bite out of crime...)
Bad Boy
#7 Diddy- This rap mogul hasn't just been busy planting his seed in the music industry. Sean "Don't Call me P. Diddy or Puffy But Call Me Diddy, (At Least for Now)" Combs is well known in the music industry as a ladies man and rolling stone. His well publicized fling with Latina Lover J.Lo. just so happened to coincide with his long term relationship with baby mama Kim Porter. Not to mention recent rumors Sean created another "little Diddy" with an Atlanta woman soon after Porter gave birth to his twins.
Don't Even Ask What the "F" Stands For...
#6 John F. Kennedy, Jr.- As if it's not hard enough knowing your husband is cheating on you with a Hollywood sex symbol, imagine having that very skank serenade him in front of you on his birthday? First Lady or not, somebody would have been wearing that cake!
Everything's Coming Up Rosie
#5 Rosie Ruiz- You may not know her name, but her story is infamous. Rosie Ruiz was the first woman to cross the finish line in the Boston Marathon with the third fastest time ever recorded for a female. Problem is, Rosie didn't run the whole race. She popped on the scene in the final half-mile and sprinted toward the finish line. She'd apparently pulled a similar stunt in the New York Marathon, riding the subway for the majority of the race.
Ex and the City
#4 Carrie Bradshaw- She's every woman's best friend, because she's her own worst enemy. Fictional character Carrie Bradshaw completely screwed up her relationship with the perfect man, a.k.a Aiden Shaw, so she could hump around with her bad boy, commitment phobic ex, Mr. Big. The story line did little more than reinforce notions that women really do like to be treated like crap. Aiden eventually took Carrie back, only to be dumped again after Carrie refused to set a wedding date. And wouldn't you know it, she ended up with Mr. Wrong Big in the end.
Cold as Ice
#3 Tonya Harding- Trailer trash figure skater Tonya Harding came up with a stroke of genius to win the 1994 Winter Olympics: "If you can't beat 'em, beat 'em!" Harding hired her ex-husband and a family friend to club then rival Nancy Kerrigan in the knee at a practice session during the 1994 U.S. Figure Skating Championships. Harding went on to find a healthier way to channel her insanity: competitive boxing.
Oh God, You Devil!
#2 Diego Maradona- During the quarterfinals of the 1986 World Cup, Diego Maradona of Argentina scored a miraculous goal he went on to coin as the "Hand of God" to win the game. What referees didn't realize until later is that it was actually Diego's hand that punched the ball past the goalkeeper. Argentina went on to win the World Cup. Diego finally admitted he had a "hand" in the team's success...a mere 14 years later.
Blame Whitey
#1 1919 White Sox- The team once known as the "best in baseball" in 1919 suffered one of the biggest disgraces in sports history. The White Sox, a heavy favorite to defeat the Cincinnati Reds in the World Series, lost the championship title in 8 games. 8 team members were later accused of conspiring with gamblers to fix the Series. They earned the title of the "Black Sox" and were forever banned from the sport.
We Chicks Love Our Gossip
Who needs the return of primetime dramas when the NFL is serving up more than Mary J.? We've got indicted quarterbacks, cheating coaches, and a messy divorce that just keeps getting messier! Oooh Wee!!! This NFL season promises to be better than Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, and The Hills combined! (Not that we watch The Hills or anything like that...)
Cheater, Cheater Goodell Meeter
Patriots Coach Bill Belichick emerged from his grimy, gray sweatshirt on Wednesday for a news conference where he apologized for the Patriots' videotape scandal. A team staffer got busted on Sunday with a camcorder on the Jets' sideline. Now the NFL is investigating whether the Patriots were taping the Jets' coaching signals.
During his news conference, Belichick confirmed that he's been in touch with NFL commissioner Roger Goodell concerning the scandal. But he never acknowledged whether his team is guilty of pulling a (insert Tonya Harding, Barry Bonds, the 1919 White Sox, "Dubya" and other infamous cheaters in history's name here.) He did however apologize for any distractions the scandal could be causing for his team, the league, and fans. Then, in true Belichick fashion, he refused to answer further questions on the investigation and pretended as if the throngs of hungry reporters before him really gave a crap about his take on the upcoming Chargers game.
Like Mike
It turns out some good will come out of Michael Strahan's nasty divorce battle after all: we get to pick through his stuff! Items belonging to the New York Giant and his wife are going up for auction. Place your bid on useless conversation pieces like a $1500 5-light candelabra or perhaps you can drop $150 on a stained and tattered Louis XV style wood marquise.
Earlier this year, a judge ordered Strahan to pay his wife more than $15 million dollars a.k.a more than half of what he's worth to uphold his prenup agreement. As a bonus, she'll also get hundreds of thousands of dollars in child support.
All proceeds from the Strahan Auction will benefit Michael's newly founded "You Raggedy B!tch" Foundation.
Get Real
Whitney and Bobby did it, as did Paula Abdul. Now, so will Deion Sanders. No, we're not talking about drugs silly! We're talking reality TV. The buzz is that Prime Time is returning to prime time as the star of his own show. He and his wife will star in their own Oxygen Channel series, Deion and Pilar Sanders: Prime Time Love. The show will air sometime in February, leaving more than enough time for all of us to stock up on barf bags.
Which Is Uglier: Atlanta's Uh-"O", Jeering Jets Fans, or Britney's Comeback?
In week one of regular season football, you would hope random pop culture references wouldn't have to be invoked when recapping the NFL's heroes and zeroes. But oops! That darn Britney did it again!
But before we implore Britney to "gimme less"...let's look back on the weekend that gave us more!
What Stood Out:
Ragin Cajun Jake Delhomme actually protecting the football. He lead the Carolina Panthers to victory over the Rams by completing 18/27 for 201 yards and 3 touchdowns.
Romo went from zero back to hero in the Cowboys win over the Giants with 345 yards and 4 touchdowns.
The 49ers and the Cardinals had a lot to prove on Monday Night. If we were President Bush, we'd have unveiled the "Mission Accomplished" banners before halftime.
The Texans won a game.
The "No-$hit" Observations:
Yes Randy Moss, you do still have it.
Yes Atlanta, your season was over before it started.
Yes Ravens and Bears, you will need an offense to win games.
No Chad Johnson, that wasn't your most clever touchdown celebration.
No Patriots, you can not spy on other teams.
No Jets Fans, it is not polite to cheer when your QB gets hurt.
No Eagles, "special teams" doesn't mean you should recruit punt returners from the short bus.
Yes Fantasy Football Players, it does completely suck when your no-brainer draft picks rack in about as much yardage as an unsigned Jamarcus Russell.
The "Wish We Enjoyed Shopping More Than We Do Football Because Sometimes This Game Breaks Our Hearts" Moments:
Kevin Everett suffered a life-threatening spinal-cord injury during a helmet to helmet hit in the Bills vs Broncos game. After undergoing emergency surgery, doctors now say there's a good chance he will walk again.
Saints season opener. No need to recap.
Below are the power rankings according to espn.com.
#1. Patriots
#2. Colts
#3. Chargers
#4. Bears
#5. Cowboys
#6. Bengals
#7. Ravens
#8. Seahawks
#9. Steelers
#10. Broncos
#11. Saints (Not even top 10 caliber, huh? Harsh...)
So to answer our own question, which was uglier...Atlanta's offense (and defense for that matter), those mean old Jets Fans, or Britney's horrific comeback attempt on the VMAs? We'll let the bedazzled bikini speak for itself...
NFL Sunday Week 1: Games We Give a Crap About
5.Falcons vs Vikings: Let's face it, the Falcons have about as much of a shot at a winning record as Britney Spears does making a successful comeback. Still, we'd like to see how Joey handles the pressure in his first real game at QB. Plus, we need every division rival to lose to keep things evened up right out of the gate.
Wish: Vikings win.
Prediction: Vikings by a field goal.
4. Bucs v Seahawks: Primarily for the same reasons listed above, but this is also our next opponent. Time to size up the competition and see if Gaycia Garcia will truly be the answer to the Bucs Quarterback woes.
Wish: A breaking news alert at halftime reveals Jeff Garcia is being investigated for "misconduct" in a bathroom stall at the Minneapolis-St. Paul International Airport.
Prediction: Seahawks by a TD.
3. Eagles vs Packers: These are two NFC teams predicted to show signs of improvement thanks to some offseason moves. Let's see if they live up to the hype.
Wish: Andy Reid quits, Donovan chokes, and Eagles fans consider pulling an Owen Wilson.
Prediction: Eagles by 13
2. Giants vs Dallas: Gotta love a good division rivalry.
Wish: Um, is there anyway both of these a-holes can lose?
Prediction: UPSET! Giants by 4
1.Bears vs Chargers: The team that never should have made it to last year's Super Bowl takes on the team that was supposed to but didn't.
Wish: Rex Grossman sucks so badly, his team somehow ends up with negative points.
Prediction: Da Bears are who we thought they were. Chargers by 14+
Nola Chick Lets It Out, Then Lets It Go...
Dear Saints,
So I've been thinking a lot about what happened between us Thursday night. I know it's not fair for me to keep harping on this, but you really disappointed me. I did everything you asked of me. I wore my jersey, ate my red beans, and drank lots of beer. 
When it seemed like me petting my dog was the key to us making big defensive plays, I made sure to keep her close, no matter how much she wanted to go lie down in her crate.
Later in the game, when I realized you no longer responded to me being affectionate toward my dog and in fact seemed to be rebelling against it, I put her out on the patio. 
I didn't even think twice about it, possibly qualifying me for the worst dog mommy in the world award.
In the third quarter, when it seemed like my Saints jersey and fleur-de-lis necklace weren't enough, I added my brand new Saints tie to the ensemble. 
I even dealt with the judgemental looks of friends, who thought perhaps I had officially flown over the cuckoo's nest. 
I responded to their concerned stares with more beer, just like you taught me.
When that yielded no rewards, I rubbed the belly of my precious Buddah statue for good luck, (then said a quick prayer to Jesus, just so he knew I wasn't being a Judas.) And still, you offered me nothing. That really hurt me.
Today, I wore my Saints tie to work because, in spite of everything, I still hold you close to my heart. I just sometimes feel like you take my efforts for granted. After last season, I thought we decided we'd be in this thing together. I'd carry out all my bizarre superstitions and you'd respond by kickin' some ass. I know we can't win em all, but at least allow me the courtesy of knowing my obsessive efforts are not in vain.
With that said, I'm willing to move past this if you are. I hope you won't put me in this kind of position again. I hope you know that this relationship can't work unless its 50/50. (I'll even take 70/30 if you throw in a Reggie Bush makeout session.) I truly believe you want this to work as much as I do. Now, I just need you to show it.
Thanks for letting me speak from the heart and I promise not to bring this up everytime we get into a fight. (But who are we kidding???)
Love Always,
Nola Chick
P.S. You don't even have to say you love me back. I can just feel it.
WTF?
Anybody ready to jump off the bandwagon yet? Anybody ready to pull out their trusty brown paper bags? What about those of you struggling to come up with clever 'same ole Saints' sayings? Are you there? Well, let the Chicks be the first to invite you to hit your head on the Super Dome ramp on your way off the bandwagon and choke on that brown paper bag. You see, this is the type of game that separates the die-hards from the fairweathers. So the question remains...are you in or are you out?
As for us, we're more than in! Yeah, we know. The Saints stunk it up more than the pet cemetery in Michael Vick's doggie graveyard. But you know what? We'd rather they get that out of their systems now than in week 13 when it REALLY counts.
So what happened tonight? Well, there are a couple different answers. Drew Brees conjuring up the ghost of Aaron Brooks didn't help. Reggie Bush developing "hot potatoes/don't sack me" syndrome didn't help. Sean Payton morphing into Jim Haslett on a gutless 4th and inches play didn't help, along with a few other bad calls. And don't even get us started on the defense giving up the big plays. (Yeah, we're talking to you David and McKenzie!) But more importantly, this team fell victim to its own hype. And we say, thank Goodness!!
They've been touted as the class of the NFC all offseason, predicted to win the Super Bowl, and praised for their miraculous turnaround. How could they not feel tempted to go down on themselves just a little come game one? After all, a few analysts predicted they'd beat the Super Bowl champs.
Well you know what, they didn't. In fact, they got that ass tapped. To make matters worse, their poor play persuaded the Chicks to abandon beer and turn to stronger methods of intoxication. But we never changed the channel. We swallowed our bitter pill like men and we're all the wiser for it.
These aren't the same ole Saints. They'll recover from this. They'll take on the Bucs next week and get their groove back in ways not even Stella imagined. The "Earth to Saints" moment has come and gone and they're better for it. This isn't the ending we hoped for or even predicted. But in many ways, it's the ending we needed.
Saints 10 Colts 41. A bitter pill to swallow indeed. But we'll sleep tonight knowing that the rest of the season will be enough to help wash this one down in ways a cold Corona never could.
Game Day Chick Tip: Get Your Game Face On!
Tonight's the night, The NFL Season Opener: Saints vs Colts! (I think I just had a mini-orgasm!) Just like with the teams, what YOU do tonight will set the tone for the rest of the season. While most of us Chicks have been preparing for this night for weeks, some of you may be feeling a little rusty. Below we help you get up to speed and get your game face on!
*Don't watch countless hours of ESPN countdown coverage. It will only enhance your anxiety. Watch just enough to know who'll you start and sit in fantasy football
*Brush up on game day trash talk material. Gather stats on obvious advantages of your team and disadvantages of the other team and be prepared to whip them out at a moment's notice. Also, study your team's weakness and have a counterpoint for every argument. When all else fails, rely on a cleverly concocted 'yo momma' joke!
*Decide where you're watching the game at least three hours before kickoff. None of this "should we meet at the sports bar...Wait, what about my house?" crap when your team is 20 minutes from running out of the tunnel.
*Don't get too drunk too fast. Pace yourself to two beers an hour pre-game and no more than two a quarter during the game.
*Unless you're trying out for a linebacker opening next spring, go easy on the face stuffing. Stick to just a couple slices of pizza then pop open a bag of carrots to nibble on and satisfy your snack cravings.
MUST See TV!
Not since Ross convinced Rachel to get off the plane in the series finale of Friends has a Thursday night on NBC meant so much to a Chick. This Thursday, when the Saints take on the Colts in the NFL season opener, a different kind of drama will unfold with a far less predictable ending.
On Friends, the writers chose the storybook romance route to end a 10 year “will they/won’t they” saga between the show’s star characters. Turns out, the epic battle of the Saints vs. Colts, has a “will they, won’t they” plot line of its own. Will they (the Saints) live up to the hype or won’t they? Will they (the Colts) set the tone for another championship year or won’t they? (They won’t if our #18 voodoo dolls have anything to say about it.)
And just like on Friends, the same catch phrases apply. We’ll get to see Reggie and Deuce for four whole quarters! (“How you doin?!”) We’ll get to see Brees, the top passer in the NFC, take on Peyton Manning, the top passer in the AFC in a guaranteed shootout. (Could we be anymore excited?) And as for Tony Dungy, the guy we cheered for like he was our grandpa during Super Bowl XLI, let’s just say as of this moment, “WE ARE ON A BREAK!!!”
Still not convinced Thursday’s match-up won’t make for Must See TV Magic? You MUST be kidding! Below the Chicks Break Down what could give either side the ultimate edge.
Will Smith MUST Disrupt Peyton Manning’s Rhythm
Manning is always quick to release the ball, making it difficult for defenses in past seasons to shake, rattle and roll all over him. Manning goes into 2007 without tackle Tarik Glenn who was the fierce guardian of his QB’s blindside. Saints All-Pro defensive end Will Smith will instead line up against rookie tackle Tony Ugoh.
Indy Run Defense MUST Stop Deuce and Reggie
That’s a tall order for the Colts based on their record last year as the worst run defense in the league. Tomorrow, they’ll have to contend with the premier tailback duo in the NFL. The Colts now have the added disadvantage of losing Anthony “Booger” McFarland, their foremost run stuffer, for the season due to a knee injury. But Tony Dungy is a defensive mastermind so look for him to work around these problems with some creative schemes to attempt a slow down of McAllister and Bush.
Saints Pass Defense MUST Rise To This Occasion
The Saints’ secondary gave away far too many big plays last season that left Saints fans feeling around for more Dome Foam to dull the pain. It could be a long night for the Saints if Manning gets into the groove with his two Pro Bowl wide receivers, Marvin Harrison and Reggie Wayne. But Sean Payton & Co. did some wily hiring in the off season and brought in Jason David, formerly a cornerback with the Colts. David surely has some secrets to share with the Saints’ cornerbacks and safeties to keep Harrison and Wayne in check.
Colts MUST Balance Their Passing with a Sustained Run Attack
In 2006, the Colts had the one-two punch of veteran Dominic Rhodes and rookie Joseph Addai to power their turf assault. Rhodes left for the Oakland Raiders in the off season. Talented sophomore Addai will miss the know-how of Rhodes while working alongside two other young backs, Kenton Keith and Luke Lawton. The Saints will be quick to target this inexperience and try to corral the Colts on the ground forcing them to rely solely on their aerial game.
Saints MUST Score On Every Red Zone Opportunity
The Saints first string offense looked precise and powerful during preseason. Their only glitch was not scoring touchdowns on several occasions when they were in the red zone. Faced with a high-scoring opponent like the Colts, Drew Brees needs to lead the team into the end zone at every possible opportunity to keep the points rolling on the Saints’ side of the scoreboard.
An unhappy ending to the Friends finale, sure we would have gotten over it eventually. But there will be no flipping of the script in the finale of this NFL opener.
Chick Prediction: Saints 24-Colts 20. As for you Peyton, we know it’ll hurt losing the first game of the season. But not to worry, “We’ll be there for you…”
Countdown to Kickoff: The Delirium Sets In
*In preparation for game day, we have avoided all Ed Norton movies due to his striking resemblance to that Manning boy whose name we refuse to utter.
*No Fleur-de-lis paraphernalia is to be worn until game day in the unlikely event that it loses its power over time. (A lesson learned the hard way after the NFC Championship debacle.)
*Will continue watching the following movies to the point of ad nauseam just in case Coach Payton needs us to phone in a Kyle Turley-esque half time speech: Rudy, Any Given Sunday, Invincible, Remember the Titans, Friday Night Lights, and We are Marshall. (Will also secretly watch Varsity Blues but too ashamed to admit it.)
*Currently practicing updates to the Benson Boogie. The remix, appropriately titled “The Chick Strut” shall be unveiled in the Dome on September 24th. Although, we may be tempted to bust it out on Thursday night if things go according to plan.
*Putting away all shirtless photos of Reggie Bush in an attempt to stay focused leading up to game day.
*Memorizing new roster of players and their numbers to avoid any embarrassing game day shout-outs.
*Trying to decide if pre-game “get hype” ritual should revolve around “I Believe,” “The Saints are Coming,” “When the Saints Go Marching In,” “The Way We Live: Saints Remix” or all of the above.
*Searching Craigslist for Matrix-like device that will wipe away all memories of shirtless photos of Reggie Bush which prove to be a continued distraction.
Countdown to Kickoff: T-3
We've drafted our fantasy football players, ordered the NFL package, and bought our fashionable new Deuce jerseys in a bright white with black trim which we'll wear for away games. (Wearing the pink Reggie jersey for home games seemed to suit us well last season.) The case of Corona is in the fridge (along with some cheap stuff we'll share with the guests), the Hurricane mix is stocked, and the red beans will soon be soaking. So to answer your question ESPN: Yes, we ARE ready for some football.
On Thursday, our Saints will set out to give Peyton Manning a sense of rejection he hasn't experienced since his Newman days. The Colts and Saints kickoff regular season in a matchup that should have taken place back in February...but we digress. Both teams have a lot to prove but really it's only just one thing: "We're not a fluke!"
In the days to come, we'll break down the matchup. But before we look forward, we've decided to look back in a Chicks Cheat Sheet of sorts. We'll look back to what's happened in the offseason, what we did wrong, what we did right, and what makes us want to make out with the Saints even more this season than we did in '06.
The Draft: While everyone was screaming "Get a corner!! Get a safety!! Build up our defense!!", the Saints were thinking, let's make this unstoppable offense an even greater force to be reckoned with. In the first round, they shocked all the analysts by picking up Robert Meachem. The wide receiver out of Tennessee, known for his size and speed, made a modest preseason debut. Meachem survived the final preseason cut with the coaching staff still hopeful he can have a Colston like "that guy came out of nowhere" impact on the offense.
The Saints went on to pickup some defensive players deeper in the draft, like cornerbacks Usama Young and David Jones (who eventually got the boot.)
The Cuts: You're right Boyz II Men, it IS so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. This offseason we said bye-bye to the likes of Hollywood Horn and John "don't count on me for an extra point" Carney. The Saints also cut impressive rookie receiver Antonio Pittman who went on to sign with the Rams. Another notable cut, linebacker Dhani Jones. To put it plainly, he stunk last season. Seems like the Saints feared a repeat in '07.
The Pickups: Kicker Olindo Mare of Miami gives me palapations everytime he takes the field. He's 6 of 10 and had 1 blocked field goal in the Buffalo game. (I pray the Carney era will at no point in the near future be referred to as "the good ole days.") Another pickup, Colts cornerback Jason David.
This offseason, the Saints also picked up a new slogan: Earn it! What better way to do just that than to kick off the season beating up on the Super Bowl Champs.
